I haven't felt the urge to express myself in the form of written word in quite a while. It's odd how time passes so quickly and yet the days drag on. I am ready for a change. I have been maintaining the status quo for so long that I've begun to forget what I'm striving for, and doubt who I want to become.
Time wears everything away it transforms tiny cracks into the grand canyon but unlike the world around us, humans can resist. We can't win, because in the end we all grow old and die. But we can stay strong in our beliefs and dreams. Hold true to the self that we once wanted to be. It is not an easy rode I propose to follow. It isn't a road that most people take.
It is a long and often lonely road, but the journey isn't always meant to be pleasant. Only the end result, knowing that when your time comes you have been honest with yourself and those around you.
I am at a cross roads on my journey.
On the one hand I can return to my roots and begun my final stage of home building. Find a permanent location and work to make it the place I want to live forever and after. On the other hand I can resist and hold out for a more elusive option. I can wait and see how the years progress and how time changes those around me. I can work toward a goal that most would not understand.
A part of me yearns for home. The joys of having family close by and friends that I grew up with around to hang out. But that same part of me realizes that after a period of time all those joys pale. Home is a great mythic place to return to for vacation, but I have never tried to live on my own there. I've always lived under someone else's roof conforming to their ideals.
And a part of me wants to remain apart. To continue on my wandering journey content in my isolation. That part of me worries however that the longer I remain away the more likely it is I won't return. That I'll loose all my hard earned knowledge to the dullness of the daily grind. Instead of learning and polishing skills, I will instead loose my way in the corporate world geared more toward quantity then quality.
And so as the holidays approach and I'm once again forced to move in the spring, I must decide if it will be the great migration or a small hop. Home or another short term layover in life?
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2 comments:
Such decisions are still four and a half years off for me, but I'm already wondering if it wouldn't be worth it to take another year and find out just what it would have been like to live in Hawaii. :)
I don't suppose it is a decision we can help you make -- it is something you have to decide on your own. Each crossroads is a new opportunity, and I'm not sure there are right or wrong choices to be made. We learn about ourselves and the world around us in every situation which we find ourselves -- even in a ride to a new park. Good luck making your decision.
And I'll try not to point out that a nice compromise between new location and the joys of home would be to come visit us in Massachusetts for a while...ah, oops. *grins and winks*
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